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Parenting Tips For Teen Parties
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- Develop a Strong Bond:
Talk with your teen about parties, peer relationships, drugs and alcohol. Find the right time to connect. Let your teen know where you stand on the issues, but don’t lecture. Use “teachable moments” that are quick chats in passing –not lectures or long-winded discussions. The key to being a good parent is being a good listener. Ask your kids regularly what they think and how they feel about their social life. Work on building a trusting relationship with your teen and maintaining open dialogues.
- Educate yourself:
Find out what kind of alcohol and drugs are available to teens. Find out where they can get alcohol and drugs. Learn about the physical and psychological effects of drugs and alcohol and share this information with your teen. Also, some teens may use substances to self-medicate because of an underlying mood/anxiety disorder. If you are at all concerned about this possibility, have your teen assessed by your family doctor and/or ask for a mental health referral.
- Get Involved:
Participate in your teen’s school. Go to their school activities and find out what their interests are. Know your teen so that you are able to recognize changes in their behaviour. Changes in behaviour may indicate serious problems.
- Set a Good Example:
Don’t drink and drive! Consider signing a contract that you and your teen each sign, promising never to drive if you are under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol. (See Mothers Against Drunk Driving web site, www.madd.org) Socialize with your own friends and family without using alcohol so that your teen can see that having fun does not require the use of alcohol.
- Be Available:
Promise to pick up your teen if they need a ride home or feel they are in an unsafe situation. You can set up a password that only you and your teen understand so they can ask you for help without being embarrassed in front of their peers. Consider opening a taxi account for your teen. In Toronto, possible companies include Beck Taxi: 416-751-5555; Diamond: 416-366-6868;Co-op: 416-504-2667; Royal: 416-777-2757 ext. 3018
- Know Your Teen’s Peers:
Make sure you can connect with your teen at all times. Ask for and keep a list of your teen’s close friends including: full names, addresses and telephone numbers. Build links with other parents; exchange phone numbers. If parents don’t know each other, they become powerless.
- Connect with your Teen’s High School:
Call your teen’s school if you are concerned about an upcoming event. Schools can help. They can also link parents with each other. Be involved with your teen’s school by participating as a chaperone at school dances, volunteering your time at school events, etc. Local schools can be key to building safe communities for families and youth.
- Advocate on Behalf of Teens:
Teens tend to feel “everyone is against them” and “no one understands”. Teens need to have places to meet and “hang together”. Also, an important aspect to being a teen is developing social skills. Parents can advocate for more school dances, keeping school gyms open after school hours, and providing basketball hoops. Parents can talk with local churches and community centres and other organizations that can provide places for teens to go. Support local youth organizations.
- Connect with your Neighbours:
Build relationships with your neighbours. Offer to keep an eye on homes when parents of teens in the neighbourhood are away. Ask neighbours to keep an eye on your home when you are away. Call the police if you see a party spilling out onto the street and seemingly out of control.
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Know your Legal Responsibilities and Liabilities:
- You can be held responsible for injuries or damages that occur as a result of the alcohol that you provide.
- You are responsible for what happens to your guests when they are in your home or on your property.
- You are responsible for your guests at a function you organize, like house parties, street parties, bush parties, formal or semi-formal dances.
- If you are sued, the law may hold you responsible for the safety and behaviour of your guests for the entire time period until they’re sober, not just until they leave your party or premises.Liability doesn’t just rest with the individuals who provide the alcohol -the organizers and host- but also includes anyone with control over the location where the problem occurred and sponsors to the event. (Party in the Right Spirit, Toronto Public Health Department)
Develop a Family Policy:
Consider developing a family policy with your teen, regarding parties. The policy should clearly state your family rules concerning alcohol and other drug use. Set limits on teen parties on family property. Include: who can come, transportation, supervision, use of alcohol etc.
When your teen is going out to a party, ask if the party will be chaperoned by parents and/or adults. Use this opportunity to discuss “what is a safe party”.
Helpful Resources for Parents:Bayard, R. & Bayard, J. How to Deal With Your Acting-Up Teenager. New York, NY: Fitzhenry & Whiteside, 1998.
Caivola, D. S. H. 50 Great Tips, Tricks and Techniques to Connect with your Teen. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2003.
Doe, M. Nurturing Your Teenager's Soul: A Practical Approach to Raising a Kind, Honorable, Compassionate Teen. New York, NY: Perigee, 2004.
Glasser, W. Unhappy Teenagers: A Way for Parents and Teenagers to Reach Them. New York, NY: Harper Collins, 2002.
Gore, A. Whatever Mom: Hip Mama's Guide to Raising a Teenager. Emeryville, CA: Seal Press: distributed by Publishers Group West, 2004.
Lippincott, J. M. 7 Things Your Teenager Won't Tell You: And How to Talk About Them Anyway. New York, NY: Ballantine Books, 2005.
Nelsen, J. & Lott, L. Positive Discipline for Teenagers: Empowering Your Teens & Yourself Through Kind & Firm Parenting. Roseville, CA: Prima Publishing, 2000.
Mothers Against Drunk Driving
MADD
1-800-665-MADD
www.madd.org
Toronto Public Health Department
1-800-668-2437
www.city.toronto.on.ca/health
The Liquor Control Board of Ontario
www.lcbo.com/sr
The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health
www.camh.net
Delisle Youth Services
416-482-0081
Michael Caines, Youth Outreach Worker
www.delisleyouth.org
Parents in Transition (PIT)
416-481-4543
Donna Culbert, ED
www.parentsintransition.org
Northern District Library
416-393-7619
Helena Dong - Asst Branch Head
P.A.R.T.Y. Program
Sunnybrook and Women's College Health Sciences Centre
416-480-5912
www.partyprogram.com
Fairlawn Neighbourhood Centre
416-488-3446
Anne Rawson, ED
www.fairlawnneighbourhoodcentre.com
People & Organizations in North Toronto (POINT)
416-487-2390
Diane Werner, ED
The Anne Johnston Health Station
416-486-8666
Natacha Neira-Boulton or Beatrice Raposo
www.ajhs.ca
Parent Help Line
1-888-603-9100
Kids Help Phone
1-800-668-6868
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